Wednesday, January 13, 2010

On Listening

I'm also in the middle of Greg Mortenson's Stones Into Schools, which is the follow-up to his first book Three Cups of Tea. I recommend both highly! Permit me to provide some background before posing a question.

Mortenson, after a failed attempt at K2, the world's second tallest peak, became separated from his climbing partners and somehow managed to wander, half-dead, into the tiny Pakistani village of Korphe. While recovering, he noticed that the children of the village had no school building or supplies, and what little learning went on, went on outside. Partly in gratitude for their hospitality, and partly out of a desire to help, he pledged to build them a school building. Incredibly, despite unbelievable obstacles, he succeeded--and these efforts have grown into the Central Asian Institute, which has now built over 150 schools throughout rural Pakistan and Afghanistan.

What has really captured my attention is the way that Mortenson, a thoroughly "non-professional", has learned to listen to the people he seeks to serve. He is clear in his mission--to build school buildings, especially for girls, throughout Pak and Afg; no school is built unless the local elders guarantee that girls will be welcomed--but has also learned to ask questions and really listen to the answers people give.

End of introduction. The question/s: what have you learned from asking/listening to people whom you desire to see come to be followers of Jesus? What have you learned about how they see themselves, their circumstances, and "spiritual things"?

16 comments:

John M. said...

My son was telling about this guy.

Joseph Holbrook said...

awesome story! A good example of how one person can become proactively engaged in strategic philanthropic work.

Joseph Holbrook said...

I had to go back and read your question again.

As an intentional "goodnewser" among 20 to 35 year-old single adults, I have spent most of the last 5 plus years listening to secular young adults.

What I have I learned from them? That they have more discernment and faith than we think; they see through a lot of mythical and idealistic thinking among Christians. That they are much more spiritually open than we think--just not in ways that are typically "Christian". That if you give them a chance to discuss the deeper issues of life and the universe without trying to "direct" their conversations, they will generally come up with insightful and even brillant approximations of the truth (which tends to support the idea of natural law and human reason rather than absolute human depravity).

I have learned from them that Christ will indeed draw all people to himself, IF we lift him up in attitude and authentic personhood without necessarily being preachy and trying to impose faith.

I have learned that they are hungry for God and for God's love, and authentic community but NOT for Christian church life.

.... I'm going to get myself in trouble here ... but I have also learned that most Christian leaders are stuck in a paradigm that militants against bringing the kingdom of God to these young people. I have kept a dialectical conversation going in two directions: one with secular young people, the other with Christian pastors and leaders.

Brian: I am not trying here to hijack the theme of your post.

Brian Emmet said...

Joseph, don't make me come down there!
;~)

Brian Emmet said...

And yes, Joseph, your response is among the kinds of things I was hoping for: what have we learned by listening, by asking instead of telling?

Joseph Holbrook said...

Brian: looking forward to seeing you later today.

I started reading Robert Farrar Capon's book, The Parables of the Kingdom for the second time this morning, this time reading it outloud to Debbie.

I am really struck by the central theme of his book, which is God's use of indirect power rather than direct power to bring about his purposes in creation. Or to use the other phrase he likes, God use of "Left-handed" power rather than "Right-handed" power (persuasion and influence rather than direct intervention).

I have only come across this concept in one other author, Dr. David Hawkins, who is a spiritual teacher but not an orthodox Christian. He uses the terms “power versus force”, in which power = personal integral dunamis and force = power by direct intervention or imposition.

I believe Capon has stumbled upon a key bit of revelation about the mysteries of the kingdom of God.

Why do I say all of this?

Listening patiently and graciously to people’s stories is an example of true power, what Capon calls “Left-handed” power. Talking at them in monologues or preaching in order to convert them to your point of view is force, or “Right-handed” power.

I can look back at the last 5 to 10 years and think that I have simply screwed up and lost the art of leadership, or … I can view these years as a process of God gradualing weaning me off of leading with the force of my personality and teaching me how to relate to people with Left-handed power; listening, serving, waiting, loving and praying. Doing nothing of my own initiative but watching and waiting for his initiative.

Why is Left-handed power superior in the long run to direct imposition of power? Capon gives the answer on page 20: ”The only thing it does insure is that you will not–even after your chin is based in—have made the mistake of closing any interpersonal doors from your side.”

John M. said...

Good stuff Joseph. I forgot this weekend is the retreat. Based on last year, I'm sure it will be a great time. Hope it's a little warmer down there this weekend. Brian, don't get too lonely without your "roomie". I'll miss you all and be thinking about you. I guess it'll be really quiet in here this weekend, since we are the only three talking...

Brian Emmet said...

Greetings from spectacularly sunny and mild FL! We're gearing up for the cookout/party at Jospeh and Debbie's tonight--should be fun, so more later.

Robert said...

This also makes a statement regarding how to get out of our picture and into another picture...asking questions...listening...maybe asking more questions...and listening some more...and then really listening...and really getting into their picture...their story. I want to get better at that...

John M. said...

Me too, Robert. I tend to reference others stories off my own story, rather than "getting into their picture".

Joseph Holbrook said...

makes me think of Luke 14:34
"Are you listening to this? Really listening?"
. Richard McAfee used to talk about the value of having a "listening heart".

John M. said...

Richard also used the phrase, "listening people down to their root issues." Might not be an exact quote, but that was the idea.

Joseph Holbrook said...

listening is probably one of the most powerful things we can do to serve others and curb our own narcisism. For me it is almost entirely a learned skill ... for Debbie, it is a native skill -- she is one of the best listeners I have ever met. Sam Lopez is also very good at listening.

Brian Emmet said...

So two related questions: why don't we like to listen, why aren't we "good at" it? I mean to get behind/beneath normal issues of personality/temperament to the reasons why we'd rather tell instead of ask and speak instead of listen.

Second, has anyone learned anything that helped you become a better listener? Some practical reflections and experiences would help us all.

Ralph said...

Great story Joseph...or is this Brian's blog? Not sure...I'm sort of new to all this. Joseph I agree with you that people are hungry for God and for God's love - authentic community. That being said, there are many churches which offer people this. Church, in my view, as I read Jesus' words, is not something we turn our backs on. This is about "both/and" thinking - not "either/or." What I mean is that you CAN have churches that are about authentic communities and God's love - right? I know of a few - one or two - there are rumors of more. Many blessings to you.

Joseph Holbrook said...

Right you are Ralph ... there ARE good churches .... perhaps listening for a church at that level is doing good demographic study to see what the needs of the community is, and discerning how to help meet those needs. Rick Warren did a masterful job of that in Mission Viejo.

This blog is mine AND Brian's. We co-host it. Brian is a pastor in Boston. Welcome! glad to have your participation!